The BBQ is lit, the food is prepped, and your garden is looking lush – guests are arriving imminently, but you look down at the arm of your chair and notice bird poo… oh, and on the sofa cover too.
At this time of year, birds are busy; they’ve got their young in nests, and they’re backwards and forwards feeding them, so if they’ve nested near your house and garden, you are in the fly-poop zone, and your patio is the first place you’ll notice it.
We have spoken to our experts, and they have seven genius ways to prevent this from happening that are also humane.
1. Optical bird gel
A new way to keep birds from poohing across your garden is optical bird gel – Amazon have a version called SpectrumV Holographic bird gel, £35.89.
‘It’s been developed to humanely deter wild birds from areas and is sometimes called ‘Fire Gel’ or ‘Optical Gel’. Usually sold in small, unobtrusive dishes or in tubes to be applied using a caulking gun. This gel works by appearing as little balls of fire due to birds seeing in the ultraviolet spectrum,’ explains Lucie Bradley, gardening and greenhouse expert at Easy Garden Irrigation.
The good bit is that some of these gels have essential oils in them, ‘Essential oils such as peppermint or citronella are a deterrent too – this combination of shimmering appearance and scent makes these gels highly effective,’ adds Lucie.
2. Reflective items
Reflective surfaces are a big no for birds, especially if they flutter or swing.
Lee Trethewey, outdoor furniture expert at Sustainable Furniture, says, ‘Reflective items, like old CDs or metallic ribbon, close to outdoor furniture will definitely help. The reflective surface naturally deters birds because of the unpredictable flashes of light they can emit, and the sudden changes in light intensity or direction can confuse and startle birds, so they will not settle down in your garden.’
B&Q’s 350ft bird repellent scare tape, £7.99, reflects the light and makes a sound when it’s windy. Cut into strips and tie them near your furniture – ideally, tree branches and around the top of your parasol.
3. Decoys
Decoys are a good option that has a high deterrent rate. Lee agrees, ‘Realistic predator decoys can also be used to keep birds away from outdoor furniture. Use plastic owls or swooping bird-shaped kites, but ensure that these are moved around every few days so the birds do not begin to realise that they are fake.
Our favourites are the Marco Paul swivel head owl bird deterrent decoy, £15.99, B&Q, with its head that moves with the wind, and the eyes are very lifelike, and Amazon’s flying hawk bird scarer kite, £14.99, that you can hang off tree branches.
4. Consider your furniture layout
Before you start your summer entertaining season, it pays to look at your garden furniture layout in relation to where birds might like to be.
‘Many of us like to position bird feeders or bird baths in our garden to attract wild birds to visit, but at the same time you don’t want your garden furniture getting splattered by bird poo,’ says Lucie.
To combat this, Lucie recommends moving your feeders and bird baths at least ten meters away from your patio or seating areas.
Another top tip is to check out the branches they like to perch on: ‘Trim back overhead branches or shrubs that are close to outdoor furniture,’ suggests Lee.
Invest in these McGregor telescopic bypass loppers, £15, from Argos – they are great value and have good reviews.
5. Clever planting
There are some scents that deter birds, and these can be used effectively to keep them away from your patio furniture.
Lucie explains, ‘Although we are usually thinking about which plants we can grow to help wild birds and make our gardens inviting for them, you can also do localised planting around patios or seating with plants which birds dislike to deter them from going close to those areas.’
Look at plants such as lavender, marigolds and mint, says Lucie, ‘They can be grown in pots and placed near seating areas, and birds will be discouraged by the strong aromas.’
Lavender is particularly good because it deters birds but attracts the bees and butterflies. We like the Lavandula angustifolia Hidcote Blue variety, currently £6.99 for 12, Gardening Express.
6. Auditory deterrents
‘Birds usually prefer a quiet resting spot, and adding unexpected noise can make your garden less welcoming,’ explains Lee.
There are two types of noise deterrent, ‘Wind chimes can discourage smaller birds, with metal chimes being the most effective. There are also ultrasonic or motion-activated devices, but be mindful that pets or neighbours may be able to hear the noises from these,’ Lee adds.
We like the Woodstock chimes Amazing Grace wind chime, £32.95 from B&Q, it has been inspired by the opening tunes of Amazing Grace and has been tuned as such. There are six bronze tubes and a teak finish ash wood top. For an ultrasonic option, check out the Isotronic ultrasonic solar bird repeller device, £32.95, Amazon; it also repels cats and other small animals.
7. Keep your patio clean and tidy
This may sound obvious, but our patios can be prone to debris of all kinds during the summer months, especially if we are eating outside.
‘You can make your garden less appealing to birds by ensuring that it is kept clean. Clean food scraps immediately after eating outside, and wipe down furniture to remove crumbs or spillages,’ advises Lee. ‘You should also clean away any existing bird poo, as this will stop other birds from seeing your furniture as a safe landing area.’
Invest in a good stiff outdoor broom and dustpan so you can brush away the debris every evening. We love the Charles Bentley large outdoor broom and wide dustpan set from Argos, £20, it’s great value and is ideal for patio cleaning.
Furniture cleaning essentials
Garden Mate Bird Mess Remover, 500ml
This product is made exclusively for removing bird stains from any surface. It has a powerful action foaming spray that breaks down and neutralises the stains so you can then wipe them off.
Kraftprotz Enzyme Cleaner, 750ml
This enzyme cleaner will work wonders on your upholstery as it breaks down the stain and removes any odours too. It will also work on food stains and has a fresh, pleasant smell.
Kärcher K2 Horizontal Pressure Washer
If the poop is bad on your furniture then it might be time to reach for the big gun – a pressure washer. This compact design is designed for garden tools, bikes and garden furniture.
Follow our guide to poop-free patio furniture, and your summer entertaining will be perfect! Just keep an eye on it all, and hopefully our feathered friends will keep away.
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